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Oh, me. Oh, my. What a neglectful host I am. Oh well, you'll get over it.

I didn't tell many people this, because I wanted to try it out first, but this last month Jon and I have been almost completely grain/starch free. And by "almost completely" I mean that our day-to-day meals are grain-free (and free of foods that turn quickly into sugar in the body, i.e. potatoes, rice, flour, wheat, most fruit, etc.). We have had a few "cheat" days. Once we had to go to St. Cloud for a funeral, and one Sunday Night dinner we had bagels and corned beef from Max and Benny's. But over all, it's been grain-free. INCLUDING ME SAYING NO TO CAKE AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR THE KIDS I NANNY. You need to read that again? That's okay, I can wait.

Done? Let that sink in. I have NEVER in my life before said no to cake. But yeah. I'm proud of myself. I also have been craving gyros for approximately 6 weeks and have yet to get them.

I will admit that I did cheat a couple times. I tried Cheetos once. I used to love Cheetos. These Cheetos tasted like sawdust. They were so gross! Sugar gives me a stomach ache. It just doesn't taste as good.

Having said that, Katie and I made this AMAZING chocolate cake. Only we used coconut oil instead of the butter, since Kate can't have dairy, and substituted 1/2 avocado per egg, since I'm intolerant (we're not high maintenance at all, I promise,) and we used coconut crystals instead of white sugar (coconut crystals are low-glycemic, so they don't spike your blood sugar). Guys, this was THE BEST chocolate cake I've ever had. Now, I'm not sure if that's because neither of us had had any good cake in so long, or we were craving the sweets, or what, but we ate like half of it all at once, with strawberries and coconut cream. Then, when we had others try it, they're all like, "yeah, it's good, but not great." We were aghast. Please, make this cake. Don't be discouraged by the disgusting batter; it's much more better when it's baked. (Also, I will admit the cake itself tastes better warm and fresh from the oven or reheated.)

For the first few weeks, I had NO energy whatsoever, since I wasn't pumping my body full of it's preferred source of energy: sugar. But the whole purpose of the no-starch/grains/sugar diet was to teach my body to burn fat for energy, not sugar. So it took a while, but now I crave more healthy fats (5 gallons of coconut oil, anyone? Yes, I did buy that much...) Avocados, full fat dairy products, nuts, seeds, and oils. Lots of meat and veggies. Creativity. This month has been a challenge, but it's been rewarding.

So you may be confused as to what we can and can't eat. We can have nuts and seeds, meats, most veggies, dairy, berries, Granny Smith apples, and the like. We can NOT have oats, grains, wheat, starch, and most fruit, not to mention any processed foods. It's been a busy month of cooking and cleaning in my tiny little kitchen that always seems to be dirty.

Will we continue on this diet long term? I don't know. I find when I do eat a ton of grains or sugar, I feel sluggish, my stomach hurts, and I just don't feel great in general. Do I get sick of meat and veggies, and want my potatoes back? Almost daily. Not to mention the price tag of healthy fats! Oh my. But even if we do start incorporating more grains/starches soon, it will definitely be slowly, and hopefully we'll never get to where we were before, where the majority of the foods we ate turned to sugar in our bodies.

At this point I think it will be more determined by our budget than anything else; healthy eating IS NOT CHEAP. But we'll see.

Anyway, how about that weather, lately? My goodness.

Hope

Hope. 

Hope is a powerful thing. It has the power to keep you going through the toughest of situations, but it also has the power to crush you.

Let me explain.

I have hoped for a long time that I will someday get pregnant. However, it is a very abstract hope. It is the hope that some day, in a very indistinct future, that I will have a baby. Or 2. Or 5. It's enough hope to keep me afloat. Enough to help me make it through day to day.

But that hope is changing... and I'm terrified.

It all started quite a while ago now. My sister's husband, Damon, hurt his back somehow. (I don't remember how.) He was in the hospital and everything. Shortly afterwards, he discovered this chiropractor, Dr. Aaron Afrostrom, who believed in "Maximized Living." Maximized Living is a system of chiropractic, I believe. They don't treat the symptoms. They find the cause and fix it. To do so, they take x-rays and look at the spine. The spine is supposed to be shaped a certain way, and any misshapenness (new word) can cause problems with certain parts of the body, based on where the spine is misshapen. For example, the very first few vertebrae are connected to immunity and immune organs (spleen, liver, gall bladder, etc.), among other things. So someone who has a too-straight neck might suffer from lowered immunity. Slightly farther down on the spine affects your heart, so that person might experience high or low blood pressure, irregular pulse, palpitations, or even heart disease, heart attacks, or strokes. The thing is, you only feel about 6% of your nerves... the rest are internal and you don't feel them. So by the time you experience any pain, it's because the area affected has gotten large enough to affect the surface nerves, which you can feel.  Anyway, Damon had HUGE success with this chiropractor, and he and Julie have been going there for quite some time now. Even Liam gets adjusted every so often.

Back to my story. Julie and Damon recommended that Jon and I go in and get x-rayed and see how awful our spines are. We did. My main complaint was headaches, with tension/anxiety being a close second, and intestinal issues rounding out  the top three (constipation alternating with diarrhea). Jon, though, has extreme joint and muscle pain, migraines, stiffness, soreness, and just general pain almost constantly. The result was very surprising. I have way fewer physical issues than Jon, but my x-rays were worse.

My neck was too straight (I'm sick all the time!) and, most of all, my lower back, which should have a 45 degree curve toward my stomach, was completely straight. As in flat. No curve. None. Huh. So what does that mean? I asked.

The lower part of your spine affects your digestion and intestinal tract and fertility organs. Guys, I have AWFUL menstrual cramps. I typically have 12+ hours of severe cramping when I ovulate. I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 2 1/2 years. Your lower spine affects fertility???  What if by fixing this I get pregnant?!

And that's where the crazy new hope comes in. Doc Aaron anticipates significant recovery in just a few short months. I could have a baby by this time next year! Aah, my dream feels so close!!

...but what if fixing it doesn't help me get pregnant? Then my hope will be crushed. And not just gently buried in the ground with love. I mean dashed upon the rocks, stampeded on by a herd of buffalo, then tortured into submission. It will not die. I will always have hope. It just may end up as this mangled, crushed shadow of what could have been.

I'm looking forward to this new venture toward getting healthier, and hopefully toward pregnancy. What will happen if this doesn't work... I don't know. I guess we'll see.

The other night I had the song that starts "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." I just need to remember that. Jesus may use the chiropractor as a means to get me pregnant... but he may not. He may say to me, "No, I want you to keep waiting, to keep learning to trust, to keep Me first." He doesn't ask any more of me than he is willing to give--and he gave his life for me, to save me from eternal damnation. What is a few more years of waiting for a child? What is never having a child, compared to that?

Huh. I didn't expect my thoughts to take that turn, for this post to be so... hopeful. Funny how that works! 

May your hope always rest in the greatest Hope of all!

My [new and improved] laundry and shampoo routines

(Image from Dr. Bronner's website)

I think I've mentioned before that I am slowly switching from commercial products in favor of the more natural homemade stuff. If I haven't, well, now you know. Well, one of those projects turned out to be laundry detergent. I have to buy all the "free and clear" stuff, since my skin is super sensitive to the fragrances and dyes found in most detergents. Despite the fact that there are fewer additives in these products, they still smell and they charge a premium for the "hypoallergenic" stuff. Which I find super annoying. So I said, "Enough" and did some research online. And by research, I mean Mommypotamus posted a DIY laundry detergent recipe like 3 loads before I ran out of  my commercial stuff. Oh Mommypotamus, how I love you!! I looked at the recipe and thought, "Hey, that looks easy... and natural... and... oooh, balls of yarn!" (She has a link to making your own dryer balls... check it out!)  Also, I am not ADD.

So I went on my merry way expecting to have cute, colorful balls of yarn for cheap! Yeah! (You CAN buy cute, colorful dryer balls online, but they are PRICEY! Like, $20 for 3 pricey! I said no thanks.) I drove on over to JoAnn Fabrics and looked at their yarn. To make the dryer balls, the yarn has to be 100% wool and able to felt, not "machine washable." They had exactly four (4) options for me. Light tan, brown, dark brown, and a speckled brown one. Ohh, fun...not! And one thing (skein?) of yarn was 11 bucks! Still cheaper than online, so I got a tan one. It was enough for 3 balls. Which was fine. But they're all a boring tan color. Oh well, these are for functionality, right? I keep trying to tell myself that. Ha. (Also, making dryer balls was FUN. I was surprised. I wanted more yarn just to make more, not because I needed them, but because I just wanted to make more.) (I have since found yarn several dollars cheaper at Wal-Mart, but it's the same colors... poop.)

The best part of the dryer balls? I can dry my towels in the dryer, without having tons of static! Before, if I used a fabric softener sheet in the dryer, I had to hang my towels on our [huge] drying rack in our [tiny] apartment OR not use a fabric softener sheet... but then they got super staticky! So I love my dryer balls.

Then, a few days later I officially ran out of commercial laundry detergent. Huzzah, time to make my own! I had purchased a couple bars of Dr. Bronner's peppermint bar soap from my local grocery. I only made 1/3 of a batch as written by Mommypotamus, because I wanted to try it out. I have used it a couple times and I love my new routine!

The clothes feel soft, clean, and have no scent or residue on them. I thought they might smell pepperminty or lemony (she suggests adding a bit of lemon extract as a degreaser), but there is no smell whatsoever. With which I am fine. I am going to keep track of how many loads I get out of my 1/3 of a batch and also how well it cleans, and if it continues to work I will make a full batch later. Check out Mommypotamus' website for the full tutorial.



As for shampoo, I am using Dr. Bronner's Liquid Soaps for that. They also have a conditioning hair rinse available that I use and love, but it is a bit pricey, especially if that's the only thing you're having shipped. (The bottle is 8 oz and costs $10 before shipping. I have used just over half of it since the end of February/beginning of March...when money is tight, that's just too expensive.) So instead, when this is gone, I will go ahead and use apple cider vinegar--it works just as well. (The purpose of both is a pH balancer, as the shampoo pH is different than my hair, so it makes the follicle stand out, making it feel sticky. Using the rinse makes it lie flat and feel soft again.)

So those are my new homemade products. I am looking for a good dishwasher detergent, but they all use Borax, and I've heard that that is poisonous... so I don't really want to put it on my dishes that I put my food on/in! So if you have a good dishwasher detergent that is homemade, please let me know. Other homemade DIY projects are for toothsoap, deodorant, body scrub, and cleaning supplies. I already make lotion, sunscreen, citrus infused vinegar (for cleaning), and most of our food. I love it! Can't wait to be "all natural!"

p.s. guys, I give up on trying to take pictures for my blog. They're always awful. Like, blurry, bad lighting,  and most of the time you can't even tell what it is... so... yeah. You'll have to use your imagination, unless someone wants to be my photographer... for free.

May you never be as crazy as me!

Babies, Babies, Everywhere

(Photo found on a Google image search for "baby." Picture not mine.)

Babies are everywhere, again.

Usually I do just fine with the whole "not pregnant" thing, but every few months it seems as though it gets difficult again. I feel like everyone is pregnant. And if that's you, than truly, from the bottom of my heart, congratulations. God has chosen to bless you through your little one, and I am so happy for you! But won't it ever be my turn?

Sometimes I feel like the answer to that is "No." I get so discouraged. I've wanted this for such a long time. Everywhere I turn, people get pregnant within MONTHS of trying... or not trying! And here I am, married for almost 2 1/2 years, and still no luck. It's hard. It sucks. I hate it. But I'm learning through it. Isn't that God's purpose? To teach us? To be like him? To wait, to be patient, to trust? Can't he find a different area in my life to teach me these things?!

Of course he COULD. But would I learn the lesson as well as I will? He must have a reason for giving me THIS PARTICULAR TRIAL. And I have grown through all this. Instead of wallowing in self pity, I've been using this opportunity to lose weight and get healthier (and wallow maybe a little). I have learned to trust him. Particularly his sovereignty. For some reason, God has been forcing me to  consider his sovereignty in everything, not just this one particular thing. For instance, the other day, Jon and I read through Jonah, and I was stuck by how even in the "casting of the lots" and the worm that eats the bush that shaded Jonah, God is in control. He is cognizant of and contributing to all of the minute things that occur. Thank goodness for these things!

Sometimes I think the answer is "Some day." I can think of many good reasons as to why I'm not pregnant yet. Reasons that show me that it's a good thing we don't have an infant or one on the way. But I still can't get this desire out of my mind and heart. I believe it's a godly desire. I honestly do, and that as such, God wants to give me this desire. I just don't know when he will see fit to do that. I hope that I learn the lessons he's teaching me soon, so that I may experience this wonderful joy of being a mother. (Is that selfish?)

I rarely, if ever, feel as though the answer is a for sure "Yes." There are always nagging doubts in my mind that I will ever be able to be a  mother. I've always felt like I CAN'T get pregnant, that something's wrong. Or maybe God knows I would never be a good mother. Or who knows. I have no idea. Maybe this is a lack of faith?

I don't know. These are all ramblings and thoughts as they come into my mind; I just wanted to get them down. Thanks for reading, if you're still here. I get lonely sometimes, because outside of family, I don't really have people to talk to. And sometimes you need someone else. So, thanks for reading. Prayers would be much appreciated.



May you always learn from your trials.

Berkey Water Filter Giveaway by Mommypotamus

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE Heather over at mommypotamus.com.

This month, she is giving away a Royal Berkey Water Filtration System. 

"A what?"

A Royal Berkey Water Filtration System.

"No, really, what is that...that... that THING?"

That, my friend, is pure awesomeness. It filters out basically everything.  Well, everything BAD. The GOOD things it leaves in. As Heather says, "Berkey purifiers also remove 99.99999% of pathogenic bacteria, cysts and parasites while extracting chemicals including herbicides, pesticides, organic solvents, VOCs, detergents, cloudiness, silt and sediment. Cadmium, chromium, copper, lead, aluminum, mercury and other dangerous heavy metals are also removed (95%), as well as nitrates and nitrites, without removing beneficial minerals!" 

So. Um, what are you waiting for? If you DON'T want this awesome filter yet, just research what one or two of those things does to you. If you're STILL not convinced, or you have a morbid sense of curiosity, look them all up. Add fluoride to the list. You'll be clammering to get your own, trust me.





*****I AM NOT GIVING THIS AWAY, HEATHER IS. TO ENTER, YOU MUST GO TO HER WEBSITE. FOR MORE INFO, GO TO THE BERKEY WEBSITE*****

You Don't Hate Me, Do You? I Still Love You!

I must first apologize for my lack of blogger-ly-ness.

I have no excuses. But here is a picture of a Bernese Mountain puppy.

There. That makes up for it, doesn't it? I mean, look at those adorable puppy ears AND DID YOU NOTICE HOW FUZZY HIS HEAD IS? I mean, really. You MUST forgive me now. So ha.

Okay, people. Come back from Puppyland: Adorableness Incarnated now. I'm talking. And I refuse to allow myself to get interrupted on the Internet more than I do in real life. 'Kay, are we back now? Excellent. Let us proceed.

So, I have done a miserly (that's such a fun word!) job of keeping you all updated on my weight loss and goals. I have, thanks to 2 weeks of illness, dropped another 7 pounds these last couple weeks, making my total weight loss since October a whopping 17 pounds. But I'll take it. My goal is to lose 10 more pounds by the second week in March, when we are going on a family vacation to FLORIDA to see my GRANDDADDY. And the ocean. But also my Granddaddy. And partly to get Bubble Bread. But mostly to see my Granddaddy.

I have also, just this week, started doing Pilates again. I need to find some cardio I can do, too, though. I am fairly limited, so it's been a challenge. Walking has been the biggest thing I do (typically parking far away in the parking lot and going to the mall to walk with my sister and my ADORABLE nephew Liam. If you quit interrupting me, I'll show you a picture of just HOW ADORABLE he is later. LATER. JUST WAIT.) You scrolled down, didn't you? Just to check. I would have.

ANYWAY, SHUT UP. I'M TALKING HERE. GET YOUR OWN BLOG IF YOU'VE GOT SO MUCH TO SAY. (DISCLAIMER: I am not really mad. How could you possibly be interrupting me if you're simply READING this? We all know I'm being silly. Right? RIGHT?!)

Onto a new topic. I have been really motivated lately to not only eat healthy, but to be aware of chemicals and toxins that I put ON my body as well. I was watching an interview between orawellness.com and Dr. David Kennedy, who is a leader on flouride (the interview was done by the HealThy Mouth Summit and was free when I watched it and , but now you have to pay quite a bit to see it). After showing some key points to Jon and talking through it will him, we have decided to try the OraWellness Brushing Blend. Here's a brief video that talks about the Bass Method for brushing teeth, what it is, and why it's effective.

We also purchased this Couples Starter Kit which includes the flouride-free tooth cleaner. I did find a recipe to make this stuff at home, as well, which we will try, but I wanted something to compare it to. I don't think we will buy the brushing blend long term. It's just so expensive. (If you want a sermon from me on the dangers of flouride please LEAVE A COMMENT.)

Hmm, what other interesting news or random facts or tidbits of information do I have to share with you? I would like to make some kind of cover for my Kindle like this one:



But I would modify it somewhat. This is a soft case-just fabric. I would want it to be more sturdy. I saw an idea was to use the hard board from a binder and sew it in. I just so happen to have a bunch of old binders that are falling apart that I've been meaning to throw away and haven't, so I may have found a use for them. Another thing I'd change is that that button (which is super cute--no point in denying that) is purely cosmetic. She closes the case with Velcro. Which is loud. I would make the button be the actual closure. The last thing I'd change is the way she keeps the Kindle in the case. She uses 4 large and ungainly pieces of elastic sewed in, which you can't see in this picture. And that works, but is U-G-L-Y-YOU-AIN'T-GOT-NO-ALIBI if you know what I mean. I was thinking perhaps I could either use clear elastic, folds of fabric, or somehow remove the plastic pieces in my current boring black leather case that holds my Kindle inside, keeping it comfy cozy. (I'm not sure I want to do that, though, because then I may not be able to use the utilitarian cover then.) The last option is to cover my current Kindle case with fabric and just glue it on. Not sure how that would look though. Just another project for me to do... in addition to the Christmas tree skirt I want to make and sundry hemming and mending.

Okay, show of hands: who wants to see pictures of Liam? Wait. I can't see your hands. All right, fine, feast your eyes on this gorgeous child whom God gifted to my worthy sister and brother-in-law.

Had to get a picture of his dimple.

CHEEKS!

Big brown eyes!

 You're welcome. Have a good evening.



(All pictures of Liam belong to my sister. They may not be copied or used without her express permission.)




May your puppies and nephews always be adorable!

Happy Christmas To Me!!

I know, I know. I didn't do a Christmas OR a New Year's post. I'm sorry. But you were busy, and I was busy, and I figured you didn't really have time to read anything I might have to say, anyway, what with all the other blogs you read and people you interact with and things you just HAD to do.*

Anyway, I wanted to make a post on my favorite-est Christmas present of all this year. My incredible parents and darling husband pitched in and bought me a Smith and Wesson M&P 40 C!! For all you unlearned-in-the-realm-of-guns-and-gun-jargon that means a Military and Police 40 caliber compact! Or, in layman's terms, an awesome new pistol! I'm so psyched. I love it.






On Christmas day, my dad and I went outside and shot it. People, it was sweet!! The magazines hold 10 rounds, 1 in the chamber, so I can have 11 total in the gun. Dad had the store put an ambidextrous safety on it, and the magazine release can be switched to either side. The slide lock and release are on both sides of the gun as well. It came with two magazines, one with a pinky extension; three different grip sizes; a case, and, of course, the gun. Jon gave me that magazine loader, and we have since bought another pinky extender magazine. And ammo, of course.



Here's how everything fits in the case, or at least, how everything fit until Jon bought me another magazine.

This is my new pistol compared with Jon's Ruger SP101 Revolver. Jon's gun is cool, sure, but mine takes the cake, doesn't it? I just love it so much!!

Thanks, parents and Jon, for the awesome present!! (Other gifts included, in part, a used pressure cooker, chapstick, and some chocolate truffles. The truffles were a close second on the Awesome Christmas Presents: 2012 Edition list.)

May your gun powder always stay dry!











*This is a lie. I just didn't know what to post about.