Thursday, October 30, 2014

I Do All My Best Thinking...

In the shower. Don't we all?

Tonight (as every night) I was thinking about my Jamesy, and I had, what I think, is a profound thought.

A lot of people try to console me by saying there was a reason my James died. And while I agree with them, I think the focus should be on there was a reason James lived. Because God gave him to me for a reason, knowing that he would die. So while his death is important, and sort of defines him, his life should even more so.

And this thought was kind of re-enforced in my mind when I had this thought: The reason Jesus died was to save us, but the reason he lived was to be an example. To show us how to love, how to be righteous, how to pray, how to obey God... how to die. And what an example he was!

I had never really thought about this side of the coin in so many words. I had come to the conclusion that there was a reason God gave me James, knowing his time here would be so short. I took comfort in the fact that God's will was for James to die so young, for him to be taken from me--knowing how much I wanted that baby, how much I prayed for him, how hard we tried for him, having the IUI work on the first time, etc--making his life that much more important. But I had never really put two and two together before.

I'm tired. Maybe I'm just rambling, but I needed to get these thoughts out. I want to flesh them out a bit sometime, but this will do for now.