I wish losing a child left visible scars. I wish that when people see me walking through the grocery store and I look mad, upset, or like I'm trying not to cry, that they won't judge me. That they wouldn't tell me to just smile, to cheer up, to have a great day. I wish the could look at me, and see my frown, and that they could be kind but not patronizing; that they could understand without me having to tell them, that MOST DAYS ARE NOT GREAT DAYS. Instead of me shoving down the hurt a little further, pretending I'm not just okay, but happy and care-free, that I could be myself and be... sad. Mad. Maybe a little bit insane. Buy my cookies, donuts and cake in peace. Because sometimes I can't. I can't cope. I can't be happy. I can't even pretend to be happy.
I just wish people could know, without me having to say.
I wish I had my James.
If wishes were horses, then beggars could ride.