GAPS Update: Day 13

*Sigh* How to start?

So, remember how I've been telling you all that I have been really overwhelmed lately? Well, it culminated today. I got home from work at 6 with nothing to prepare for dinner and no stamina to figure it out. I had a meltdown. With both of us working and having to plan meals days in advance to make sure we have everything (namely stock, thawed meat, etc.) I just can't keep doing it. My energy level just is too low. I can't do dishes or shower without my legs shaking. I can't cope with anything. It's just not working.

So. We have decided to not do the full intro diet right now. I'm going to take what I've learned from this experience and use it to continue to eat healthily. Soaking grains and nuts, minimizing sugar and processed food intake, and eating nutrient-dense food.

Another big factor in this decision is moo-lah. Dinero. You know, money. We bought 1/4 of a cow about a month ago, and we've already consumed probably 1/4 of the meat we bought (if you include the ground meat). We have to eat a lot of meat. We anticipated that it would last us a year or so and at this rate we'll be lucky if it lasts until February. Meat and fresh veggies are expensive; grains and beans really help to stretch the dollar.

I had a hard time making this decision. I feel like I'm failing; like now I won't lose the weight; like I'm just running from difficulty, like I usually do. But Jon helped make it okay. It's hard for me to reconcile myself to this, I keep thinking of it as "giving up." I can't think like that, though. I am just not able to function on this diet. Not every diet is for every person. I can still lose the weight. And Jon and I have not noticed huge benefits from the diet, anyway.

Please don't look down on me; don't judge me too harshly for this decision. I still will be working on losing 1.5 lbs a week. My goals haven't changed, just the means. *Sigh* I'm going to bed now, so I don't have to think about this any more.